A twitter ballad
It all started with Klout, the social media influence measuring site. @thebooksluts wanted to be shown as influential in Star Trek, and even promised to write a ballad in honour of the person helping her to accomplish this. Being in a good mood and with benign feelings towards my fellow human beings (shut up – it does happen!), I set about to add the topic to her Klout profile. However, no matter how I tried I couldn’t get it to work, not even with the kind assistance of @AmandaStratton.
Even so, @thebooksluts was pleased that we’d tried:
This is exciting! I’ve never had a ballad written about me before! What would this ballad be about?
Oh. Ok. Still excited, though! Let the telling begin:
Good start! I’ve been to India, many years ago. And I did see several tigers. Don’t remember if I found one under a table, however? Only monkeys. But it was a long time ago, so I might have done and then forgotten about it.
Well, isn’t that typical! And I like a quiet spot of tea as well. Now I’m getting angry.
And don’t forget the monkey! Marauders ignore a monkey with a rolling-pin at their own peril.
Who doesn’t like monkeys? Rude ugly people, that’s who.
Can she have red hair? I’m going to make her having red hair; badly coloured red hair.
Oh! Didn’t see that one coming!
I hate being executed. It’s one of my pet peeves.
This is true. What’s a death sentence between besties?
Or indeed beasties.
Damn it! Just can’t catch a break, can we? What will they do to us now?
Baking a whole wedding cake? No pressure then!
Well, lack of attention is highly correlated with gluttony. Everybody knows that.
Also, we need something for the road – stealing away is hard work.
Damn right! Breaking out of dungeons and escaping death penalties warrants a holiday for sure.
Wow! That was an awesome ballad! I’m so chuffed to have starred in it! And how accurate it was in all the little details; @thebooksluts sure does know me well.
By the way: you’ll be pleased to hear that @thebooksluts is now influential in Star Trek. All’s well that ends well.
P.S. A big THANK YOU to @thebooksluts for writing this amazing story – and in real-time, no less! That sure is some impressive improvisational skills! I also feel that I must apologise for not having published this until now, several weeks after the event, but Baby Girl demands a lot of my attention. Plus, I’m not an illustrator, so these simple drawings have taken quite some time to finish.